I do enjoy many different kinds of pizza toppings and pizzas in general. When my cousin Lori said there was a Cheese Fry Pizza on the Boardwalk in Wildwood, well, I had to try it. At first we were looking for something they were calling “doritos pizza”. We walked up and down the boardwalk looking for this thing with no luck.
On the way back to the hotel, we stopped at Three Brothers II Pizza for pies to feed that late night hunger. The owner was a big dude, not unlike Bull from the show “Night Court”, shaved head and all. We asked him if he knew about the doritos pizza, and it turns out it was a taco pizza with crushed doritos on top, which also sounded awesome but we had already ordered a plain, a pepperoni and now a cheese fry pizza.
The owner explained that he was trying to save people time, as he saw them walking the boards with pizza in one hand and fries in the other, so why not combine them? Why not, indeed! That’s some American ingenuity, my friends!
This pie has no sauce, but it loaded with regular mozzarella and then nicely fried french fries (the thin kind like you would get at McDonald’s. I think bigger fries, like at Wendy’s, would be too potato-y) and Cheesewhiz (a fun fact: my cousin Kelly lives in Austin, Texas and she says they do not have cheese fries with whiz down there. Can you imagine? Savages.).
You would think the pizza would be so incredibly heavy, what with carbs and starch and starch and carbs and heavy cheese, but it really was not.
It was f-ing awesome! I was sober but I think it would have been even better as drunk food too! The starch, carbs, grease and cheese melded together to create unique vacation pizza gold. After a suggestion, I also added some ketchup to it, and it was 5 times better. The ketchup gave it some kick! I wish I had some hot sauce, or even better, Siracha, to give it an even better kick!
I ate this with 5 adults and 3 kids and the general consensus was “wow!”. However, the kids the next day weren’t feeling so well, but they also ate a ton of pizza and then proceeded to beat each other with pizza boxes, so you be the judge of what happened with that.
Would I recommend this? Again, HELL YEAH! I am a HUGE pizza fry fan and I am also a huge Whiz fan and a huge pizza fan. All these things are in one spot and I can’t get enough! Unfortunately, this is yet another food that you just can’t eat all the time or you’ll die of hardening of the arteries or just from getting way too fat. It is vacation food, and fantastic vacation food at that! If you find yourself on the North Wildwood Boardwalk, go for it!
Once in awhile you hear about something ridiculous, like a burger with donuts as a bun or a $350 cheeseburger or something like that. You never think you will actually see these things in person, in the flesh, in real life. But sometimes…YOU DO.
Enter the Fried Peanut Butter & Jelly with Banana. Another one of my cousins, Jeanie, was telling me at her shore place, about this fried sandwich. She said I had to try it, that it was amazing. She had me when she got to the banana part. As we walked to the Boardwalk, I kept looking for the place she was talking about, called “Betty Scoops”. She had told me to get to the Boardwalk and go left. The problem was that she didn’t know if it was 2 blocks or 10, and no one else could really find it either. Other cousins had had it and didn’t particularly like it, while more others wanted to anoint the creator King Of The Universe. Needless to say, I was intrigued.
And then, last nite, we found it!
I tried to take pictures while they were making it, but I am short and there were about 400 kids in there with thier parents so I was shit out of luck. But, this is how it’s done: they make the sandwich, on white bread (save your “white bread it bad for you” bs, this is a fried sandwich, all nutrition had been killed by the slow clogging of my arteries), cut them in half (yes, you only get a half, cut diagonally) and then they freeze them.
They probably pull so many out of the freezer for the day and then have to pull more later. More on this in a bit.
They then toss it in funnel cake batter and fry the bejesus out of it, sprinkle it with sugar and voila!
What’s it like inside?
It was hard to get a good picture because I was standing in the middle of the boardwalk, but you get the general idea. You really can’t taste the bread, it almost melds with the funnelcake to create some strange mutant being. As I took my first bite, I then understood why it’s just a half. Any more then that and it would be too much. Waaaay too much.
The insides meld together and mix with the funnelcake in a really lovely way. It isn’t that greasy, just kind of heavy. In my sandwich, the banana slices were still slightly frozen. I don’t think that’s the goal (other cousins have had it and said theirs wasn’t) but I liked it. The cool banana gave you something to actually crunch into and the temperature was a nice ying to the hot sandwich’s yang.
Would I recommend it? HELL YES. If you find yourself in Wildwood, look this sandwich up! I did, however, end up with some nasty heartburn, but I think that is because of all the other crap I ate as well.
I am coming clean here: I am not a huge water ice fan. Also: I pronounce it “wooder ice” because I am from Philly and that’s what we do. Anywho, ever since I was a little kid, I always thought water ice was a cheap replacement for ice cream, just like sprinklers were a cheap replacement for a pool or Hostess products were a cheap replacement for Tastykakes. Was I a snobby kid? Nah. But it is true, while I won’t run away from water ice, I am not a huge fan.
So, while down the shore the other nite, I had my eye on a frozen custard from Kohr Brothers (side note: I never got there. boooo.) and my cousin Michele starts going on and on about this Polish Water Ice stuff. If it was almost anyone else, I would have blown them off but we both like to eat (she just has a better metabolism then me) so when she recommends, I tend to listen.
As I perused the menu, they have someone, who I guess is the owner, talking in a deadpan way on a loop about how you can try free samples (which I appreciated) and how they were featured on Food Network. What made me giggle was how they advertise “100% fat free, 100% cholesterol free, 100% dairy free, they don’t mention how much sugar and hfcs is in there. But, like I said in the above post, when on vacation, everything is good for ya.
I like anything cherry (“what? you dipped a tire in cherry? and it’s on fire? yes, please!”), so I knew I’d get that, but they offer this “Polish Chiller” which is like a Gelati from Rita’s: water ice and ice cream. However, this place only has vanilla ice cream, which I found bizarre. Details, details.
The soft serve tastes exactly like you’d like it to: soft, cold and vanilla-y. The water ice is silky smooth and very cherry. No cherry bits, but at least the flavor didn’t sink to the bottom and it held together for a good long time before melting, which was great too.
I don’t exactly know what makes it Polish. I am Polish (I run a pierogie biz) and we don’t have any secret water ice secrets, but I guess I’ll let that slide.
Would I recommend it? Sure. I had a plain cherry one the next day (sometimes kids order stuff then don’t want it. we wouldn’t want to waste would we?) and it was pretty good. Is it better then ice cream? No, but the smooth texture, and I mean smoooth….no chewing involved, no ice crunching, nothing, is a good sell. If you go, and there are locations all over, try all the flavors, they pride themselves on free samples. See which one you want and go to town.