Blog Archives
Craptastic Broad Street Bullies Burger
When the Comcast/Ed Snider people decided to knock down the Spectrum, they decided to build a big entertainment complex with restaurants and arcades and all sorts of cool stuff. What they ended up building was a bunch of shitty pseudo-restaurants, one steak house and a giant tv with a communal area in the middle to get your bro on.
I avoided this place like the plague. The place has been there for quite awhile and I managed to not step foot in the bro-fest. However, after a fun afternoon watching college hockey with some friends at the Wells Fargo Center, we ended up there. The first tip off that something was amiss? They were pumping the place with fake smoke to make it spooky, which made it look like there was a low grade fire somewhere in the building. Just what I’m looking for when I want to eat and drink: asphyxiation. We waded our way thru the masses of people and the workers, who all looked like they had never seen customers before, which was odd. The place was packed with Penn State fans of all ages, because the hockey game was a special Penn State hockey game at the WFC. They were a pretty jolly bunch and were all ready to watch the Penn State-Ohio State football game. Except they only were going to show it in one small area of the building. Way to play to the crowd, Xfinity Live.
We wandered into The Broad Street Bullies Pub and it was a zoo. Bros were watching the Flyers and people were running around in costume, it was a mess. Is it a pub & restaurant, or is it a bro bar? They sat us down quickly and, after kicking squatters off the table, our waitress came over, slid menus at us and walked away. At this point there is nothing on the round table for the 4 of us: no utensils, condiments, coasters, drinks, nothing. The waitress came back in a minute to take our order and, of course, we weren’t ready. After awhile she returned, took our drink orders, then after a long time, our food orders and then we waaaited. I think I could have grown my own cow waiting. Me, Pat and JBS all ordered the Pub Burger: “Jarlsberg Swiss cheese, caramelized shallots, bacon and fried egg” for $13. Sounds good right? All thier burgers are actually “two quarter pound all beef Angus patties stacked and grilled to perfection”. That is, apparently, menu-speak for “2 dry, burned pieces of crap with a really overcooked egg on a stale roll for $13”.
Let’s get down to it, shall we?
This is what $13 dollars (well, $15 because to sub for fries, it’s 2 bucks more) gets you at The Broad Street Bullies Pub. I ate like 4 fries before I took this picture. The only reason there is ketchup on my plate is because Pat’s mom turned around and grabbed the condiment caddy from the station for us. It had napkins and ketchup and stuff on it. Otherwise we would have been shit out of luck. The 2 waitresses that brought our 4 plates of food (no kidding) dropped and ran. No condiments, no utensils, no phone, no light, no motorcar.
This is the closeup of the Pub Burger. You can already see the charred edges and the melted cheese that had firmed up. Swiss isn’t a good cheese to melt and keep melted anyway. Somewhere in there, there is, and I am not kidding, a postage stamp sized piece of bacon in there. Somewhere. *Cue Fievel singing “Somewhere Out There”.
This is what a burned burger looks like. Not “char grilled” but burned. I had two of them. You know what they reminded me of? Have you ever gone to a Barbeque at someone’s house and they made burgers with nothing in them, just meat? No salt, no pepper, no onion, no nothing, and then they bragged for like 3 hours about how amazing they are on the grill? And then they burn the ever living shit out of everything, so that you have to cover all the food in some kind of condiment in order to be polite and choke down the free food? This is EXACTLY that, EXCEPT I PAID 13 GODDAMN DOLLARS FOR IT.
This thing was cooked within an inch of it’s life. The reason why this burger was so dry and compact is most probably because they worked the meat too much (plus, ya know, not seasoning it or putting in anything else, like a fucking rookie burger maker). Did you know there is an egg on it too? That’s the brown floppy thing hanging off the side. I don’t like eggs this brown by themselves, nevertheless on a burger. The purpose of an egg on a burger is that the yolk breaks and mixes with the flavors of the meat and cheese. The only thing the yolk on this egg is breaking is my tooth.
Oh! And even more awesome? The bun was stale. As stale as what? I don’t know. But when you bite into, or pick up, a bun, it shouldn’t break into 8 pieces.
Here, let me show you a better angle of this crap. Yes, I get that there is no filler in this burger. There is also no flavor, no moisture, no taste. Nothing. NOTHING. I could have stayed home and chewed on my shoe and had a better time. (disclaimer: please don’t chew your shoe)
You should never be able to pick up a burger and threaten to put a dent in a table with it. Never. Ever.
Now, somewhere in the above verbiage, I mentioned that this place was super busy. I always have pity on a place when they are super slammed and can’t keep it together *if the place is new*. This place is directly across from the WFC, the Linc and Citizen’s Bank Park. It’s always super busy. Always. This should be a walk in the park if you work there. And the kitchen should be used to being slammed during games (the Flyers were on as well). There is no excuse for service and food this amazingly shitty.
This food was so bad, that I have 3 others things in the queue to write about, but I pushed this to the front of the line because I was that angry about it. Horrible, Shitty. Worst thing I have eaten this year. HORRENDOUS. Burgers are not hard to make.
Shame on the kitchen staff, the servers, Ed Snider, The Flyers and whoever made the choice to put Fred Shero on the front of the menu. What a way to disrespect that man.
I don’t even know how to end this post except to say “THAT SUCKED”.
Holy Burgers Batman!
For quite awhile people have been on my ass to get on over to Sketch, a burger joint on Girard Avenue here in Philly. I once even ventured out with my friend MellieFlo and we we were way off on location and drove by it like 9 times. I finally got on over there with my cousin Megan for a nice lunch!
Diagnosis?
Holy burger awesomeness, Batman!
Let’s rewind a minute. The place is decorated in bright happy colors, and is actually kind of small inside. Just a few old booths and some tables with lawnchairs. You walk in and walk to the back to order. Then, grab a drink and have a seat.
We split some fries. Let’s talk about the fries. Everyone seems to be into the Belgium/france way of serving fries: in a cone. Sketch is no different. They even have paper mimicing newspaper, which is cute, because in Europe, that’s what they wrap fries (and in the UK also fried fish) in.
These fries were tossed in a little old bay type seasoning, but just a little bit. Sometimes people get a little slap happy with the old bay and you can barely taste the potato and have to drink 9 gallons of water afterwards. These fries were perfect. Perfect diameter (thick but not treetrunks), perfectly cooked (fluffy and delicious on the inside, crispy on the outside but not oily or overcooked) perfectly seasoned and just right on perfectly delicious. If someone had told me that I couldn’t have my burger and I only had the fries, I would be almost ok with that. That’s how good they were. They came with a dipping sauce too (a smooth harissa aioli, which was equally as great, but frankly, I didn’t need it.). There was much stink eye being given between me and Megs as we got down to the bottom of the cone of fries. Oh yes.
So let’s get down to brass tacks. The burgers. I ordered the Kobe burger with avocado, bacon and a fried egg. Megan got a burger with cheese and bacon. Let’s talk about her’s first. Let me just first say that Megan normally doesn’t take food home. She either finishes it or doesn’t and that’s it. She ate half and took the other half home. There was little chatting whilst chewing.
My burger was a monstrosity. It was a burger that my cardiologist has on his wall with a big circle and linethrough it. But people, I implore you, if you have never had a burger with an egg on it, DO IT! RIGHT NOW! You are seriously cheating yourself. This is America! Make the choice for fried egg on a burger! What did I love? That when I ordered an egg, I was given 5 different ways in which that would cook my egg! These people ARE NOT MESSING AROUND!
Anyway, besides the egg, there was also avocado, and Sketch is not skimpy with it! Look at all the avocado-y goodness! The bacon was fantastic as well, thick cut, not that cheap ass thin stuff that disappears once you take a bite (*poof!*). This bacon is setting up camp in your living room and staying for awhile.
Since the burger was Kobe beef, I figured I would order it the same way I order everything: medium. In case you were wondering, medium is the way to go. Well done is dry and nasty. Rare is too chewy. Medium is juuust right. Unfortunately, the cook was a little zealous and my burger came out a little more done they I would have liked, but that was the worst thing that happened all day, so it was alright with me. No one’s perfect. The meat itself was slightly seasoned but they get it…let the meat speak for itself, don’t over season and cook it evenly.
The burgers come out in a rectangular paper boat (as in the above picture), which normally would have pissed me off, I hate eating out of boats. But there was something so right about it. They serve it up McDLT style, half and half, so you can observe the deliciousness and then put it together yourself. As you can see, it was a messy burger but ooozing with burger-osity. Yes, that’s right.
Even the bun was perfect, from LeBus, and just right. There are few things that make me more mad then a bun that doesn’t work: a kaiser bun, or a giant bun where you have a mouthful of bread and no burger, or the worst….a stale bun. This was so perfect, it almost brought a tear to the eye.
I apologize to the fine folks at Sketch for not coming in before. I applaud thier eye for detail, and I can’t wait to go back and eat my way thru the menu.
Finally, The walls of Sketch are wallpapered with crayon drawings by little (and im sure big) kids. This one was right next to our table and I laughed pretty hard. Do yourself a favor, get to Sketch, eat an amazing burger and laugh. It’s worth your time, your money and your tastebuds!
The Shake Shack Shimmy!
Being a life long resident of Philly, I have to say I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to New York. Besides the ridiculous NYC attitude, it is seriously irritating the way they seem to assume that the whole world revolves around them (ps nyc: your town smells like pee). So when I heard that the burger place that is all the rage up there was coming to Philly, I shrugged. Yes, I shrugged. I shrugged when someone said “You gotta check out Shake Shack“.
First of all, expensive burger places are nothing new around here. In fact, Jose Garces’s Village Whiskey was going to be right across the street from the proposed eatery, and they have expensive burgers as well, along with about 900 kinds of whiskey (true story). Plus, there is PYT in the Piazza, Bobby’s Burger Palace, Good Dog and a million other places. One more overrated burger joint wasn’t going to get me excited.
Aaaaand then I went there…twice.
One night after doing the open mic at Helium Comedy Club, my friend Hot Mess Jess mentioned to me that we should stop at Shake Shack. It would be an easy stop because it happens to be on the corner of the block where Helium lives. I mulled it over for about 6 seconds and off we went. Usually there is a giant line outside the place, but we got lucky and it was almost empty since it was around 10pm. We did get a pager, ala The Olive Garden, but the wait was only maybe 8 minutes or so.
The place is pretty standard as far as burger joints go. The menu is giant and bolted to the wall, like the one at Bobby’s Burger Palace. There are a few booths and some tables and some high tops to sit at as well. They have a liquor license so you can get a beer with your burger if you choose (they have outdoor seating but as of the day I went the second time, you still couldn’t take the booze outside yet. I think they are waiting for the permit).
I got the Double ShackBurger for $7.10. It comes with lettuce, tomato, cheese and ShackSauce. Hot Mess Jess got ShackStack, a burger with a fried Portobello mushroom on it. We also split some fries.
First off, let’s talk about the Double ShackBurger. Let’s start with the condiments. The lettuce was fresh, the tomato was juicy, the cheese was…cheesy. I still don’t really know what Shack Sauce is, but it’s a nice mild addition to anything. The bun was spongy enough to hold the mess of a burger but not over chewy. More on that in a bit.
The meat. Oh, the meat. The menu says that they use “100% Angus Beef without any added hormones or antibiotics.”. But is it good? The answer is an unequivical HELL YES.
For years, chefs on tv have been telling people that all you need is a little salt and a little pepper to season a burger. There is a reason for this! Let the flavor of the meat shine! The people at the Shack understand this. Grind it, lightly season it, patty it, flat top it (no pressing or squeezing please) and serve it up. If you looked up “kick ass juicy burger” on dictionary.com, this burger would be pictured prominently. With a big blinking frame around it. And a little band playing a jig. And possibly some fireworks. Yeah. It’s that good. Oh, and they cook all burgers to medium unless otherwise specified. Do yourself a favor and just take it the way it’s meant to be: Welcome to flavor country!
Hot Mess Jess also had an interesting burger. One patty of meat and one patty of Portobello mushroom. She loved it and said it was delicious! You can also order it without the meat (as The ‘Shroom Burger) and have a very fine vegetarian burger! If the bun is vegan (and I am not sure if it is), you could even have an awesome vegan shroom burger with the L&T and they also offer pickle and onion. As you can see, they are not skimpy with the sauce!
One incredibly smart thing I noticed while stuffing my face full of delicious meat was The Hinge. I don’t know if they do this on purpose, or if it just happens with the buns they use but it is GENIUS! You see, the burger is really juicy, the melty cheese is messy and it could end up being quite a mess. And overall, it is a bit messy (neat eaters need not apply). However! With a regular bun, things start sliding around (and sometimes right out the back, which is why you need to eat burgers without The Hinge with The Claw, which is something I will write about some other time) and then you end up with a a disproportionate bun to meat ratio. That makes me angry, like, Hulk angry. MUST SMASH BURGER! HULK SMASH MESSY BURGER!!…ahem…anyway…This bun has a hinge on the back. It keeps the top and bottom from sliding around and it also catches a lot of that juice and cheese so that when you are done, it’s like a sponge of deliciousness. It is also a sponge of genius-ness!
We also got some fries on the side. They were good…basically for crinkle fries that I am sure some kid in the back had to either cut or defrost. They don’t salt them, which I find odd and a little irritating because they come out right away (for the most part), and fresh out of the fryer fries are the best to hit with just a little bit of salt. But, at $2.65, they weren’t bad.
A few weeks later, I revisited Helium with my friend Jackie O to see some friends in a showcase show, and she suggested that we stop at Shake Shack as well after the show. Who am I to say no to my friends? Plus, Jackie is the best! We both got some burgers, but we also got something else they do at Shake Shack. Yeah, this place is not a one trick pony.
They offer something called a Concrete: dense frozen custard blended at high speed with things mixed in. You can make your own but they also have set ones they have that you can order. Jackie O and I both ordered The Center City Pretzel (Vanilla Custard, Philly Style Soft Pretzel, Caramel Sauce, Marshmallow Sauce and Banana).
This thing was pretty kick ass. The Caramel and Marshmallow Sauces kind of blend together, and the banana mingles around the middle, but it all somehow comes together and is dotted inside and out with pieces of pretzel. Be warned however, it is more of a Super Pretzel then a real Philly Soft Pretzel. There is a big difference, but in this case it does work. It would be cool if Shake Shack worked with a local vendor, like PYT does to make their pretzel rolls for the cheesesteak burger, but that’s up to them I suppose.
Anyway, the frozen custard is blended smoothly and each bite feels like you are mingling with all the ingredients. While doing a blend isn’t anything new (Dairy Queen’s been doing blizzards foreeeverrrr), they are doing it well. At $4.25 for a half and $6.50 for a regular, it might be a little high but worth every penny.
So, while I wouldn’t eat at Shake Shack every day (mostly because I’d be dead by the end of the month), it is on my list of places to visit if I am in the area. It might not be as internationally known like Capogiro or the Jose Garces’ place Village Whiskey across the street but it does what it does well! Try and hit it on an off hour and there won’t be much of a wait (I spontaneously combust if I wait in lines for too long for stupid things). I also found that the prices were in line with what they were offering, perhaps on the high side, but the flavors make it worth the trip and the lightening of your wallet.
Eating The Sights At Bobby’s Burger Palace
A while back, my friend Hot Mess Jess and I decided to take the plunge and check out celebrity chef Bobby Flay’s new burger chain called, surprisingly enough, “Bobby’s Burger Palace“. If you have been living under a rock, Bobby Flay is a very big celebrity chef, and if you aren’t into food, he is also married to Stephanie March, who played ADA Alex Cabot in L&O: SVU. Either way, you’ve seen him on tv somewhere. The name is a funny throwback to places in the 50’s and the place itself is pretty retro but still very modern. There is a lot of green and orange colors, and the place in and of itself looks very happy and inviting.
You can sit at the counter and watch the cooks do their thing in the kitchen or you can sit at the long family style type tables. At first, they reminded me of lunchroom tables and I didn’t think I’d like sitting there, but it was actually kind of fun!
Maybe it might be because we were there kinda of late but I have to remark about the cleanliness of the place. That’s always a sticking point with me: I like my bars dirty and my restaurants clean. It’s not much to ask for and it hit the mark. The tables could have been sticky or gross and they just weren’t. Two thumbs up for the staff!
The tables are littered with popup napkin dispensers (can I sing a song of love for popup napkin dispensers? I am a sloppy eater, especially with something like a burger, where I look like a toddler versus a bowl of spaghetti!). I also love that they had a bunch of caddies with different sauces for the burgers. I like choices and only one was kinda gross (one bbq sauce was a little too…smokey for me.).That’s pretty awesome. What can I say, I’m easily impressed (Also impressive? The spotless bathrooms. Oh yeah.). Even the chairs that are attached to the tables are fun. I don’t know how fun it would be if it were completely packed in there, but it was half packed and it was still fun.
Whatever. BBP doesn’t lose sight of the most important thing: the burgers!
The burgers themselves are a decent size: not giant and not teeny. I’d say they are about 7 ounces. The burger meat is flavored simply, with no crazy ridiculousness: just a little salt and pepper. Absolutely delicious. Another thing I have to love about these burgers: for the sort of place this is (a hyped up burger place owned by a celebrity), the prices aren’t bad. Sure, you can get a burger that is bigger at Burger King or McDonald’s, but most people are there for the name and something different.
So what did we have? Oh! Where to start?!
ORDER!
Ok, let’s start at the beginning! After checking out the giant menu on the wall, you order at the counter, they give you a big number and you go sit until someone brings you your food. Oh, yeah, go get your own soda (I will always love that!).
What did we order? The question is more “what DIDN’T we order?”. What we do for you people! *buuurp*!
First up! The LA Burger! It’s a burger with Avocado Relish, Watercress, Cheddar Cheese & Tomato. Not skimpy on the avocado, and the whole top is covered with cheese. Not a whole lot to complain about: it’s a burger with taste without too much messiness (some people, like my friend Steve, do not like messy food. This would be a good burger for you if you are like Steve, even if you don’t have a strap beard!). The seeded bun gives it a nice pop as well!
As you can see in the inside of this burger, there isn’t a lot of filler and they cooked it just the way I like it (medium well). Like I said above, the burger isn’t huge but you get a nice sized patty. A nice side note is the pickle that comes with the burger. It could have been a simple thing to just throw on some neon green pickles and call it a day, but the pickle is kickass: crisp and zesty!
Next up? The Dallas Burger. I hate the Dallas Cowboys and Jerry Jones with a mad passion, but this burger is kinda neat. It’s a spice crusted patty with Coleslaw, Monterey Jack, BBQ Sauce and Pickles. I’m not exactly sure how this related to Dallas, but I’d have it again. The coleslaw is a little sweet but plays right against the BBQ Sauce. I guess the burger is supposed to be a play on Texas BBQ, but when I think of BBQ, I don’t really think of Dallas, I think of Austin or other cities. Maybe I’m nitpicking, but either way, not bad!
Something I really dig, and that you might have noticed is the cheese wrap on these burgers. Cheese lovers, rejoice!
I was worried for a little bit that the coleslaw might not be enough to work with (or taste) but it’s just enough. And you can tell they are cutting that cabbage there, not defrosting it or just using a mix. I gotta say, Flay and his team put a lot of thought into these burgers. And yet again, they hit the heat point correctly for me, this was another winner!
A little tip if you go to BBP: go with a friend and get a few burgers and split them, they are the perfect size for sharing!
Whew! We aren’t done yet! Next up? The Miami Burger! Let’s face it, the best thing about Miami is the Cuban Sandwich. They are always so delicious, and they brought it to the one pressed burger on the menu. This thing has Ham (and they are NOT skimpy on the Ham! Yay, Ham!!), Swiss Cheese, Pickles, Mustard and Mayo, and then they press it to melt the whole thing together. Hungry yet?
And the burger train marches on….
Next up! The Crunchburger. Oh, Bobby Flay, you love the simple things. You really do. Growing up as a kid in Philly, putting chips or Doritos on your sandwich was something you just always did if you could. I still do it sometimes. It’s all about texture and what they call “mouth feel”. Mouth Feel is exactly how it sounds: it’s the way food feels in your mouth. Ever smell some food and it smells good but you chew it and it just feels weird? Gross, right? Or you eat a chocolate covered pretzel and the silkiness of the chocolate and the crunchy of the pretzel kind of dance around your mouth? Yeah, there ya go. So, putting chips on a burger mixes
a juicy burger and then the salty, crispy chip to create a superpower of awesome in your mouth. The way it’s presented would make a kid of any age clap their hands. Did I? Only Jess knows (and there isn’t enough Captain out there for her to squeal! I think…). The chips are very Original Herr’s like, and when you smash them down to take a bite, they crunch and crumble just right. It’s a silly thing, but it’s a lot of fun to eat! Honestly, half the fun is smashing it down!
A side we got was Sweet Potato Fries with Honey Mustard Horseradish Sauce. I normally don’t particularly care for Sweet Potato Fries but these fries were, and I am not even kidding, amazing. They were salted but only a little bit to balance the sweetness of the sweet potato and they were cut so that you got a good bite and they didn’t get soggy. For 3 bucks they give you a giant vat of them with a nice side of sauce. Did we stab each other over the last few pieces? Use your imagination.
Now, let’s say the gang wants to go out and get some burgers, but you don’t eat meat? No sweat, BBP offered a Griddled cheese (American & Swiss Cheese) and a Griddled Cheese Deluxe (Brie, Goat, Cheeses/Tomato/Bacon).
Going without carbs? Get the Topless Burger (Any burger on baby greens with balsamic). They even have a kickass sounding salad for those of you out there who like to…eat…salads…in burger joints? Got kids? Get a kids meal (basically just a smaller burger, smaller fries and a smaller soda for about a buck and a half less). I hear the milkshakes are awesome, but after our burgerfest, who had room? We sat on the bench outside for awhile before we rolled ourselves back out to the car to drive home. I was cursing myself for not remembering to wear my stretchy pants.
So what was the final decision? Pretty great burgers for a decent price. I have to say, I have seen smaller burgers offered for more, so hey, check it out! The BBP we went to was in the Cherry Hill Mall in New Jersey, but there is also one in West Philly and they are also all over the country. If you go, try to go at an off time so you can enjoy yourself (they tend to get pretty crowded). Oh, and apparently you can get any burger “crunchified”, so if you wanna go for it…go for it! Me? I’m gonna go take a nap…